she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
