Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Shame is for Republicans.
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