If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
