So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do vagina's smell?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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