My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize