if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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