I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize