just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
