I am midnight drunk by noon
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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