I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
