dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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