she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's blow job season.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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