after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
