I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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