What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
