He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize