Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
