Sry I called you an 8
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
