wat bout pragnant strippers??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
