When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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