White coat. Heels.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
