I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
