Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think i have two assholes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
