READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
