So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How external is "for external use only"?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
