My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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