I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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