I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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