I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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