I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
