where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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