Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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