Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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