How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
