Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
