It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
