just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
