Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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