i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
