i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
