How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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