Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
