May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
