There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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