I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
