I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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