I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Your dad touched me again.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
