Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
