I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
