I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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