In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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