my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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