Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
