How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
