I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
