I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
