Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
