I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
