I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I will die if light touches me.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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