Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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