not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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