dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
