I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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