I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
