i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
