at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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