Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
