It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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