you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
