Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
