Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
