he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
