y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
