Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Randomize
