He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
