It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
