He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just cropdusted the office
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
