look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
