R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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