Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
