you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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