I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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