Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
