First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize