oh god the rape fog is back!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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