ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
too bad you live with your parents still
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
