I look better un-naked...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize