to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
