the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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