thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
