I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
