Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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