I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize