dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
