I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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