umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
