just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then my night got REAL pukey
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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