I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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