Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you had me at cake vodka
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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