I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
