I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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