obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize