I wish my penis had an off switch
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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